The Deviant

 I get anxiety just thinking about everything I have to do this week. I am tired as hell. But let me tell you about some strange stories.

A few months ago, I was busy writing love letters. I deleted them all. But because of those love letters, many people thought I was in a relationship.

Some of you may have already guessed with whom I am falling in love. I am tired of pretending to be someone I'm not, so I’ll be honest here.

I am falling in love with her at first sight. At that time, I had a complicated relationship with Mr. Whatsit (read my last post for this reference). When our relationship collapsed, I started a new relationship with a Canadian guy.

Please be aware that I can have feelings for several people at once. And yup, it’s not always a guy. It can be a woman.

I am not having an affair, although I am not single. I didn’t chase her; I am not even communicating with her.

My relationship with the Canadian guy fell apart. Suddenly, my health declined. I spent a few months almost bedridden. The pain was excruciating; I thought I would be disabled or paralyzed.

Then a miracle happened. I’m back to being active. All this time, I thought she never knew about my existence. But she follows my Instagram and replies to my stories.

My stupid ass thought I had an opportunity with her, even as a friend.

The truth is, she never thought of me as a friend. I think she gets the ick at the idea of me loving her. She hates me.

In a nutshell, I don’t even dare to say happy birthday to her. I don’t dare go to her house. I don’t dare contact her. It seems she’d prefer it if I left her alone.

On the other hand, I started a new relationship with a man months ago. The timeline is messed up and overlapping.

But why am I telling this whole thing? At first, I felt hesitant. Now, I don’t care anymore. What can go wrong with this blog post? Nothing.

I know several people who read my blog. May this post entertain you. HAHAHAH.

Some people ask why I’m deviant. Why do I like women? I don’t have the answer. I don’t even understand why I love her. It just… happened.

She is the first real love I feel with a woman. Usually, I don’t feel like this.

For now, I will just focus on work. I am too busy to do anything. I am exhausted every day.